


Don’t Say a Word

by girlslikegirlsandbooks



Series: Halcyon [1]
Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Aline is the supportive gf Helen deserves, Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, One-Shot, Series, Songfic, but it’s resolved quickly, but there’s no smut, rated T for mentions of sex and language, there is a very small argument which is why I tagged angst basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24750085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlslikegirlsandbooks/pseuds/girlslikegirlsandbooks
Summary: “The decision they made in exiling her could have almost been excused if it had only hurt her. The most heinous part of their decision, though, was that not only did it not just hurt her, it hurt the siblings that would practically be alone in the world now.At the very least, she had Aline.”Set in between City of Heavenly Fire and Lady Midnight, while Helen is in exile at Wrangel Island. This is the first part of a series of 12 Heline-themed one shots, inspired by the album Halcyon by Ellie Goulding.
Relationships: Helen Blackthorn/Aline Penhallow
Series: Halcyon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789753
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Don’t Say a Word

“ _ I’m more alive than I’ve ever been _

_ So now I give you all my sins. _

_ I’ve chosen you, I’ve chosen you,  _

_ But don’t say a word.” _

_ Helen _

The decision they made in exiling her could have almost been excused if it had only hurt her. The most heinous part of their decision, though, was that not only did it not just hurt her, it hurt the siblings that would practically be alone in the world now. 

At the very least, she had Aline. 

She wondered if there was some part of Aline that resented her for staying here on Wrangel Island. She had all but forced her girlfriend to go back to Idris and try to forget about her, at least until this exile went away. Aline, each time she so much as mentioned Idris, would proclaim loudly (like there were people there to listen to her proclamations) that she did not want to spend her time around people that did not like Helen. 

Helen did not want to sound ungrateful. She loved Aline, and she was happy that her girlfriend worked so hard to show her support and cared this much. It was just that Helen could not help but wonder if Aline had chosen to stay in Idris how her life may have turned out different, possibly even better. Aline could have found some shadowhunter girl, surely, and they could be happy together. Helen did not particularly enjoy the thought of Aline with somebody else, but she would have been more comfortable with the thought if it meant that Aline was not hurt by the Cold Peace too. Maybe if Aline could find someone that fit the clave’s definition of normal, she would be happier. 

Sometimes, Helen thought it must be near impossible for Aline to be happy here at all in Wrangel Island. Sometimes, Helen was pretty certain that she was not happy here. The only thing that kept her going at all was the possibility that she would be able to return to her family and take care of them and her girlfriend. 

Aline lay beside her, covered up to keep warm. They had taken their clothes off as they made love earlier that night, but the climate was too harsh to keep them off too long. Many nights, they chose to sleep in coats as well as the thickly layered socks, hats, gloves, and pajamas as well as the mountain of blankets. Tonight, they had been able to get away without the coats. 

Helen reached a hand over to brush against Aline’s face as she slept peacefully. Her skin was soft, though her lips were almost constantly chapped from the cold. They had gone through many tubs of vanilla mint EOS lip balm while they were here, and the balm was a comforting presence as she kissed her. 

Aline’s eyes opened as Helen’s mouth pressed to her own. She felt more than saw Aline’s lips curl before she flipped them over to where she was on top. 

“Were you actually asleep or just faking?” Helen giggled just a bit, feeling silly that she was affected by something as simple as her girlfriend kissing her, but not feeling the dark emotions she had felt moments ago as she thought of everything she was missing. 

“If you’re going to complain about it, then I  _ can  _ go to sleep,” Aline said against her lips. 

“Oh, no. No complaints here.”

“Good.”

The hand that Aline had kept resting against Helen’s shoulder traveled down now, agonizingly slow. When it reached the waistband of Helen’s pajamas, she changed course, reaching underneath her sweater to where her hands pressed against her belly button. It sent Helen reeling, but it also was just too…

“Cold!” Helen yelped, Aline’s icy hand chasing away the desire she had felt stirring with the shock of it. 

Aline frowned, “What do you expect me to do?”

Helen glanced up at her, “Wear gloves to bed maybe?”

“I can’t wear gloves when I have sex with a woman! Women love women firstly for their hands, Helen.”

Helen laughed, “Are you trying to tell me that you wearing gloves will make you undesirable to me? What about that phrase, you know, “no glove, no love”?”

“See, that doesn’t really apply to us, Helen. I don’t think there is a cutesy rhyme for dental dams, either.” 

Helen smiled. “Do you want me to draw a rune to help warm you?”

“Helen, you cannot offer to warm me up without me making a sleazy joke.” 

“Again, you will hear no complaints here.”

Aline grinned down at her before her brows pinched together in an expression of concern. She rolled off of Helen’s lap and instead rested beside her. 

“What is it?” Helen asked. 

“You were upset, right? That’s why you were up?” 

Helen raised her eyebrows, surprised that Aline would be able to tell that.she  _ was _ upset. 

“Yeah, I guess,” was all she said, not wanting to make it like a thing. 

Aline, however, had no qualms with the prospect of it being a thing. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Just, like, thinking about exile and stuff.” Helen did not want to voice to Aline her worries that Aline was not happy, that she would be better off if she left Wrangel Island and found some other shadowhunter girl from a nice family untainted with faerie blood. Helen feared that if she voiced those concerns that Aline would agree with them, and it would be over, and then she would be really, truly alone. 

Aline nodded, probably convinced now that she understood. “Yeah, Helen, I understand. But, don’t worry, babe. You’re going to get out of this exile soon, and then we can go and take care of your siblings and we’ll all be okay.”

Helen was not sure why she changed her mind about not telling Aline why she was upset so abruptly. She imagined it had something to do with the mention of them getting out of this and Aline going with her like she was imagining a future for them, like she thought there could be a future for them. 

“Aline, are you.... Are you even happy here?”

Aline’s eyes narrowed. “Helen, you know I’m happy here. I do not like the thought of surrounding myself with the bigotry of the clave, at least without you by my side.”

“But what if this takes longer than a year? Five years? A decade? Do you really want to waste your time here with me being miserable?”

When Aline spoke this time, her voice was not concerned. The chill in her words was nothing compared to the bite of cold her palms had given. “I didn’t realize that you considered our time together a waste, nor that it made you ‘miserable.’”

“Aline, that’s not what I meant,” Helen said, trying to sound calm but failing miserably. A note of panic was rising in her chest. She was already imagining what her life would look like completely alone. 

“What did you mean then, Helen?” 

“I just…” Tears, uninvited yet still there, trickled to her cheeks. “I love you so much, Aline, and I want you to be happy. And everything you have to face because of my… my faerie blood… It just makes me miserable that you have to associate with that. How you’re affected by the Cold Peace, and it’s selfish, but I can’t help but think about how awful it would be for me if you weren’t here with me, being affected by it.”

Aline’s anger had melted the second she had seen the tears, Helen thought. When she spoke, her voice was just as quickly calm as it had been angry. “Helen, I don’t  _ have to  _ associate with you, and I don’t  _ have to  _ be affected by the Cold Peace. And, honestly, dear, I’m not that affected by it. Yes, I see you suffer from it, but that is nothing compared to what you’re experiencing. Helen, I  _ want  _ to be here. I want to be with you. If that means being in this cold ass weather, then so be it. And, Helen, I just  _ know  _ that this is going to change. We’re going to leave this island, and we’re going to be happy together, and it will be okay. And, until then, at least we’re together, and I’d say mostly happily.”

And so Helen felt warmth in the coldest place she had ever been that night. And more than anything, she felt loved. 

**Author's Note:**

> I will be doing more wlw as well as mlm fics from the shadowhunter universe, with each ship having a different album for inspiration. My goal is to upload as frequently as possible, and at least have made a significant dent by the end of pride month. For just a quick idea of what’s to come, here’s the ship plus the album I will use to inspire the one-shot collections.   
> 1\. Malec: Lungs by Florence + the Machine  
> 2\. Lilia (Lily and Maia): Melodrama by Lorde  
> 3\. Kierarktina (Cristina, Mark, and Kieran): How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful by Florence + the Machine  
> 4\. Clizzy: High As Hope by Florence + the Machine   
> 5\. Kitty (Kit and Ty): Wasteland, Baby! by Hozier  
> 6\. Thomastair (Thomas and Alastair): Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming by M83  
> 7\. Herongraystairs: Ceremonials by Florence + the Machine  
> 8\. Ariadne and Anna: Synthetica by Metric


End file.
